I’m Stuck. Something Has to Change - Daily Rant #36
Every couple of years, I realize that what I’m doing isn’t working—not my mental work, not my actions. When nothing moves for months on end, something is off. But what?
INTRODUCTION
Dear reader, this is my daily rant, meant for myself and not for you. It’s random, unfiltered and messy. My reality is not your reality. I write these thoughts with the intention to process ideas better myself and mold my mind to my liking, and, with it my world. I share them with you in the hope they may be useful to you in some way. If you’re here, there’s a reason for it.
They have helped me beyond words to find inner peace, connect with the all, improve my relationships, remove mental blocks, heal, and alter my reality in more ways than you could possibly imagine.
My perspective will be different than yours, and that is okay. If you find some ideas interesting and useful, play with them. Build upon them. Ignore and leave out the rest. I would encourage you to make a daily habit of writing such rants according to your perspective, ideas, beliefs, desires, and personality.
Good luck, though you don’t need it.
Rant#36 - Something has to change
If something isn’t working, it’s time to pause and reflect
Am I doing all I can?
Is my mind in the right state?
What am I doing, thinking, fearing?
Am I repeating the same old mistakes and patterns I always have?
What must I change right now, within and in the outside world to get me back on the right path?
What am I doing wrong?
I know I’m not consistent enough with my mental work. I keep jumping from one desire to another, from one affirmation to a dozen. I have to focus on one thing and be consistent. No more jumping around. No more distractions.
I don’t visualize regularly because I still can’t find a comfortable, resonating scene for money, which is essentially my only problem in life. It just isn’t tangible for me. I can’t see it, feel it, or believe that I have enough.
I still don’t like affirmations detailing specific desires. Somehow, they conflict with my beliefs and ideas on a level I can’t break through - not yet anyway. Furthermore, I constantly change my goal post—from a grand a day to ten grand a month, a hundred grand a year to millions. I’m all over the place and, in effect, remain broke.
Regular affirmations and visualizations conflict with my experience of needing to let go to manifest what I want. The more work I put in, the less effect I see in my reality. I know it sounds wrong, but that’s just my experience. Luckily, Eastern wise men agree. See “The law of reverse effort.”
What has always worked for me?
To visualize once or perhaps a few times and then just say the magic words: “I am happy and grateful that this situation is resolved - whatever it is, in the perfect way, at the perfect time, for the good of all. I’m glad that we are all completely satisfied and happy with the outcome. It is done!”
Then, I have to let go completely. I must not think of it anymore. When thoughts and doubts creep in, I have to shut them down by reaffirming that “It’s done, and there is nothing more to say about that!”
This has had, by far, the best results in my life. I have literally seen manifestations of things that seemed impossible the more I tried to solve them “myself.” I always struggled with letting go because I am a control freak. I must be in control, moving toward my goal, and initiating action. Alas, it is always to my detriment. It never works. NEVER!
I learned this lesson multiple times over. Whatever it was, until I let go completely, I was stuck in place, trapped behind an impenetrable wall.
Why is it so hard for me to accept that manifesting my desires is supposed to be simple, quick, and require no effort?
Why must I insist on overdoing everything?
Why can’t I just demand it and then wait patiently for the manifestation or clues to show up in my life? Why oh why indeed.
Anyway, it’s time to correct this. I declaire: “I am happy and grateful that I now have a stable, regular, dependable income and have more than enough money, in the perfect way, for the good of all. I’m glad everyone involved is happy and satisfied and only benefits from it all. It is done. It has already been resolved. There is nothing more for me to do. It’s a done deal. I let go and refuse to even think of it again. It’s done!”
How does it feel?
How does it feel to have a stable, regular, dependable income and have more than enough money?
Honestly, I wouldn’t know. I’ve never had it. I’ve always struggled with money, apart from some rare few weeks or months of lavish income that was preceded and followed by years of struggle. It has been a thorn in my side since forever. No matter what I do and change, the job, the field, the studying, the actions… nothing ever helps. Nothing makes a goddamn difference. I’m stuck.
I know full well that the source of this problem is in my mind. There is no other rational explanation. Something within me is preventing me from being free of financial troubles and always makes me self-sabotage myself horribly. Until this issue is resolved, nothing I do on the outside makes even a modicum of difference.
I’ve tried all sorts of things, and everything has always ended the same way. I’ve made little to no money. I was miserable and trapped, either by a shitty job or lack of funds. It would seem as if the whole universe conspires to keep me in the “poor house.” The dream of traveling and being free is stomped over repeatedly. To say that it’s frustrating is an understatement.
Alas, the issue is not in what I do but in what I believe. I know this to be true, and yet I am unable to “change my mind on the subject.” The mind that creates the same reality it always has. Perhaps for a short while, when things suddenly open up. But then, inevitably, the door shuts down again, and the pattern repeats. No exceptions.
I make good money, and then I either have to spend it on something unforeseen or give it back. I get ahead at work and then have to quit to keep my sanity for some reason. Regardless of where I am and what I do. Something in my mind is keeping me in place.
The core problem is within. I want to believe I have unearthed all my limiting beliefs regarding money and work, but if I had, I would be in a different place financially. It’s as simple as that.
The outside world is a perfect reflection of the inner world. If I want to see what is contained in my mind, all I have to do is look at my life.
The definition of insanity
I must remind myself that the definition of insanity is doing the same things over and over and expecting different results.
So, I must change what I’m doing mentally and action-wise. I’ve done this successfully before in all other subjects, and I will do it with money! I can and I will.
If I could heal my incurable disease of decades, if I could achieve those impossible other goals, I can get this money issue under control or rather let it go and allow it to sort itself out.
I know full well that my controlling every aspect of it and forcing the issue is only met with resistance. Resistance of my mind and of the whole freaking universe.
Mental change
I have decided to focus on general well-being and not on specifics
These affirmations and visualization feel better, and I feel no resistance to them. They also help me with the crucial task of letting go.
As long as I focus on my goal, in this case, making money, I cannot for the life of me let it go. The same was true for relationships, specific problems, and health.
Letting go is key
Perhaps the way to fix my money issues isn’t to focus more on money but less. Going general, I can focus on feeling good, strong, powerful, and content, and reach for the essence of having everything and being content and happy without encountering resistance to money.
I am then more able to let go of the striving for more money and financial stability in my life, at least until new bills show up.
It also helps me shift my focus away from my goals and let them go. If I keep “asking” for something, I’m stuck in a feeling of “lack.” If I had the thing, I wouldn’t be desiring it anymore, now would I?
Here is an example of “going general with affirmations instead of specific”
It’s focusing on feelings rather than outside circumstances that we believe will make us feel this way.
“I feel good. I feel healthy, happy, content, strong, powerful, whole, complete, satisfied, loved, accepted, wise, and perfect. I feel at ease. I am calm and at peace. All is well in my life. I know exactly what to do and when to do it. Everything always works out for me. I feel confident, capable, and respected. Every day, in every way, I am getting better and better.” It’s about focusing on feelings, not things and situations.
Most importantly, I have to become consistent at all costs
No more jumping around from one idea to another. I must saturate my mind and emotions with the same idea for a long period of time. Reprogramming my mind takes time and dedication. I have to stick to one thing at a time.
Then, I must hold fast to the feeling, image, and belief that it is done
No, not belief - awareness, understanding, a knowing that it’s already done. There can be no doubt, no wavering, no hesitation. When something is done, it is done. It’s not coming. It’s not a maybe. It’s not someday. It’s already done. It is a matter of fact in my present. It is cemented, and no one can change it anymore.
I must become unmovable by outside circumstances suggesting otherwise, testing my resolve, and by my mind when it has other ideas. No more! What’s done is done. End of debate.
What is done?
“Everything in my life is wonderful. My life is perfect in every way. I desire nothing, and I need nothing because I already have everything I need and want right this very moment. Everything always works out for me. Everything that is happening is always good and perfect. Whatever will happen will happen and it will be good and perfect. I am happy, healthy, loved, and successful. I feel good, and I am content with my life. Every day, in every way I’m getting better and better. I love and accept myself, and I love and accept my life completely. It’s is done. All is well in my life. It is so. I am happy and grateful for my perfect life, in the perfect way, for the good of all.”
I already feel I must add: “I have regular, stable and dependable income and make good money. I am a great writer and my writing inspires, helps, and entertains all my readers.” But does the perfect life not include those?
END OF RANT
What was this about?
This was an example of my self-talk, one I did just recently, as I felt stuck in place again. Every once in a while, I will reach a boiling point when I just can’t keep pushing the way I’ve been pushing, mentally or action-wise. Then, I take some time off and reflect on where I am, what I want, and what I’m doing (right and wrong).
It is often accompanied by an explosion of emotions, mostly anger, frustration, and disappointment (at myself). Those emotions help as they are what I ultimately need to make the changes I’m so reluctant to make.
Mental work - mastering the mind - is so incredibly challenging because it requires us to think differently and override our instincts, old beliefs, and habits with new ones. Everything within us is screaming and fighting that change.
In my example, I want to be in control—always. I don’t drink for the same reason. I hate the idea of losing control. Unfortunately, when it comes to mental work and mind-over-matter processes, this is counterproductive.
It is much easier for passive or religious people to let go and let things sort themselves out than it is for someone who is used to “making shit happen” without relying on others.
“Let go and let God,” for example, is a wonderful attitude for those who believe in God. They trust in a higher force that is much wiser and more powerful than they could ever hope to be, so relinquishing situations into his hands makes sense.
In her timeless book The Game of Life and How To Play It, Florence Scovel Shinn makes a wonderful assertion: “I cast this burden of ___ (lack, loss, pain…) onto God, and I go free!”
Still, the lesson I’ve learned remains the same. Nothing changes until I let it all go completely, which, incidentally, is the hardest thing for me of all. Alas, it must be done, and it will be done.
To illustrate what letting go sometimes meant for me:
When I was severely sick, I had to completely stop worrying about getting better and accept that I was sick, making peace with my situation. I still did all the things I believed were beneficial. I just let go of wanting to get better and refocused my mind on a desired end state. I healed completely. You can read more about how I healed my Crohn’s disease here.
When I was unemployed and couldn’t get a job (several times), I had to stop sending out applications completely. I was only able to do this after hundreds of failed applications. What I was doing wasn’t working, so I pivoted. I had visualized having a job and set my schedule of waking up in the morning as if I had a job, but I refused to look for a job. Needless to say, the job always found me, and all I had to do was say “yes.”
When I was alone and lonely, I kept trying to meet girls and go on dates. Nothing was working, of course, until I let that idea go. I made peace with being alone and found happiness and fun while being alone. I visualized small snippets of what it would be like to be in a relationship, like simulating phone calls with my girlfriend as I drove home from work asking what’s for dinner. No effort, no pushing. You already know those girls found me in the end.
"By letting it go, it all gets done. The world is won by those who let it go. But when you try and try, the world is beyond the winning." Lau Tzu
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Thank you for writing and sharing this, it helped me a lot to see your words (which are very similar to my own thoughts floating around in my head) on my screen. Did writing them help you see the root cause? It's here in your words:
"How does it feel to have a stable, regular, dependable income and have more than enough money?
Honestly, I wouldn’t know. I’ve never had it. I’ve always struggled with money, apart from some rare few weeks or months of lavish income that was preceded and followed by years of struggle. It has been a thorn in my side since forever. No matter what I do and change, the job, the field, the studying, the actions… nothing ever helps. Nothing makes a goddamn difference. I’m stuck."
There might be some limiting beliefs lurking below the surface, and it would be nice to find them, but the root cause mechanics are very clear. You keep practicing the beliefs (and therefore feelings and behaviors) that create the situation: I don't know, I've never had enough money, I've always struggled, no matter what I do, nothing helps, I'm stuck."
That's one way to look at it, and that perspective creates a certain kind of experience. Which is what you've been experiencing.
But is what you wrote really true? Is it fact, or is it interpretation? Someone born into wealth or who has created lots of wealth could have the same exact set of beliefs – I know this is true because I've had wealthy clients who say almost identical things.
It's all about what you're focusing on to the exclusion of other possibilities.
What if you rewrote the story of your life with the same set of facts (things that are observable and incontrovertible) but with the opposite focus and therefore interpretation?
"I've always wound up having enough money, I've always been okay, no matter what I do, something always helps, I have many clear paths forward always available to me."